Thoughts

This pilgrimage is about learning to understand the mind-body-spirit connection.  So it is about examining where I am at in my mind (emotional/mental), connecting with my body (physical/purifying) and building or rebuilding my spirituality.  In addition to learning and developing these three areas, I am also trying to delve into the connections between all three.  I have, in the not so distant past, been able to connect these areas, but somewhere in the digression of life I have lost the links.  I believe this happens to alot of folks.  It is so easy to lose touch with one's personal needs in today's world. 
I have been having a difficult time getting back into meditating.  Setting aside the time has been a challenge but principally I am having trouble letting go of my thoughts and focusing on the moment.  My spirituality has long been an area of development.  Prior to my second marriage I had a very healthy connection with my spirituality, but I lost it.  As I've grown older I find that spirituality and a connection to having faith in spirituality is more important.  Probably partly because of my interest in history and partly as a search for my own origins and my own definition I am turning once again to seek an understanding of Christianity. 

I was raised a Roman Catholic.  As a determined child I fought against anything my mother tried to teach me.  I rebelled against being a part of the Church.  My mother dragged me through the usual childhood appointments in the Church.  In the end she had to use her familial connections to contact our regional Bishop to get me confirmed in the Church without my willingness to go to the Bible study and camp classes that were part of the educaional program to accomplish my Confession.  At least I think this was the last stage I reached when I completely turned away.  Thereafter she could not force religion upon me and I did not participate.  Religion became associated with her control of my life and it wasn't until I was in my 30s that I turned back to begin to look at what religion and faith could provide for my life.

So I turned to Buddhism and meditation.  I understand now that there are common threads to institutionalized religion.  And for my part, I run somewhere between Catholicism and Buddhism today.  As part of my pilgrimage I am looking deeper into spirituality in religion.  Because it is a Catholic pilgrimage route I am trying to learn more about Christianity and the Roman Catholic Church.  I've also developed a goal to seek out Cathedrals of the Church and study them, a general study since architecture only interests me so far. 

Today I attended a Latin Mass.  It determined me to study the mysteries of this religion to gain a better understanding.  I guess, being female, I was supposed to put a lace veil upon my head when I entered.  Missed that one.  I've figured if I get up and going early enough that I can attend Mass in the morning - 7 am for regular mass at the Cathedral, 8 am for Latin Mass at the old church - then spend some time studying until Yoga classes begin at noon.  I joined a yoga program on Monday to help break the knots in my physical being so that I may lose weight and get in better shape for my journey.  There are strong meditative components in both Yoga and Mass.  And after Monday's first Yoga therapy I felt terrific, yesterday I was stiff and sore.  After Mass today, I am inspired.  I want to learn more.  If I got up early enough in the morning I could do Mass at 7 and Yoga at 8:30 and be home by 10:30 for my daily walk.  That might be a little too much at once so I am trying the 8 am Mass, Noon Yoga and time to process in-between.

Catholicism has always been important to me despite my ignorance and unwillingness to embrace it.  I have always felt that  I was born into this religion and I would always claim it to be my fundamental belief system, even if I have strayed so far that the Church would not accept me.  Faith, to me, underlies what it is to move through life and so guides me to who I am and what I can become.  I do not know or do not believe there is one right way to believe, only that there is only one way to have Faith.