I guess one of the hardest things to learn is how to let go. I have been hoping that this journey will bring me to look for and see a stronger, more positive person in me. At times now I am wondering if that will ever be attainable. A part of yoga class today involved partnering up for one stance and the only one I could partner up with was a man. I felt like a rabbit wanting to skitter away but being trapped. Fortunately the teacher caught on to my panic and relieved me, then worked with me when it was my turn to practice. On the days this has happened, which have been 2 out of 4 days I've been in yoga so far, I don't go away with the ecstatic release I get on the other days. But I do feel better physically for having done the workout. I keep thinking of what will happen if I can't learn to trust by the time I go to Spain. Where would my safe places be then....
I'm escaping into smutty novels to hide away from the world for a while. Well, they really aren't that smutty I guess, just engrossing enough to put my mind somewhere else and relieve the anxiety.
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