Friday, February 3, 2012

Pour qua?

Do reasons for jumping into a venture like this change?  Perhaps they change in becoming more refined.  What am I going on pilgrimage for?  I started thinking I would go to seek forgiveness for my sins and start a new life.  While that may still be a part of it, I have sought the forgiveness I wanted and my priest told me that the pilgrimage is more the start of the new life rather than penance for the old.  He said I had served my time in suffering for years.  Now what do I go on pilgrimage for?  To start a new life.  I go to find a new home.  I sold everything, really nearly everything I have.  I can go anywhere.  The question is: will it be better for me to leave here and start new elsewhere?  I have such good friends here.  I have had such a desire to return to the "old country".  I'm not real excited to go to on-campus school.  So whether a new home is a place or a state of mind, I think I am going to pilgrimage to find a new home.  Wherever that may be, there will I go. 

I am searching for a new life, a "do over".  I can start new by closing the book on this old life.  And from now on, I grow into a new beginning.  Perhaps that may entail new relationships.  I think I can take my dear friends along.  They are my family and everyone has to have family.  Maybe I can find someone to share my life with.  I hope so.  I cannot be afraid the rest of my life. I dream that a new man will come into my life; someone who respects who I am and will not seek to make me his property or change who I am.  Family is so important.  Love is vital to life. 

So when people ask me why I am going on the Camino, I will now say that I am looking for a new home.  A home with love, respect, and adventure.  That is to be my Camino.

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